You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
