Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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