Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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