somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
