oh god the rape fog is back!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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