Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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