so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
