So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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