I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
