Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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