He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
