There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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