I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
