i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
