i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
