I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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