i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
