Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
