why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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