From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
