i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
