i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
