Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
