do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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