She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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