i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
