Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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