Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
