My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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