Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
