I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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