I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need water and some morals
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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