I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
