Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
