Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
