I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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