She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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