The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
