I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
