Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
