9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
