It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
there was a trapeze. enough said
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
