I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
