It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake