Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!