The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
