Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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