I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween