Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....