Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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