he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
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I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
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when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Will exercising make me less horny?
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