I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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