You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
