you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
