On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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