Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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