never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
