I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
