yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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