he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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