I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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