I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
