how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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