some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
