1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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