Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
