I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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