based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
