Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
