dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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