i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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