I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
