I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
