More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize