Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize