On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
