If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
