I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
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