Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
3pm strippers are depressing
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
