I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
